We are not yet 72 hours into our second placement as foster parents, and I thought I would offer some random musings. It’s going to be hard not to have unrealistic expectations each time a new group of kids comes into our home. We will expect the new kids to start off where the prior group left off, which is unrealistic on so many levels. Subconsciously I expect the kind of bonding that we enjoyed before, even though those bonds developed over eight months, not three days. It’s hard not to expect the kind of behavior that developed over eight months to be there in three days with new kids.
I guess the hard part of this whole process has been starting over, teaching the same things from scratch that we just got through instilling in one group of kids, earning trust and love from someone who did not know who we were three days ago. I expect all those things to be immediate this time around, when once more we will have to go through the long journey of earning love and trust.
Looking back to our last group of kids, I have found that I remember the good times far more than the bad. I remember the smiles, the games, the hugs, and the love, while the fits, the fights, and the tantrums seem like distant memories. When I think back, I can certainly remember that the hard times happened (and that at several points I thought I was going to lose my mind), but the hard times seem so small compared to the beauty of those four precious faces smiling at me in my mind. I suppose this rosy view of the past is helpful in many ways. More than anything it reminds me that the bad times are worth enduring. Paul said that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us, and perhaps in a smaller way, the hard times of fostering are not worth comparing to the joys of being loved by those precious children.
I suppose the lesson for the day is patience. When it feels like we have taken twenty steps backward in so many ways, we cannot jump ahead, but we must patiently walk our way forward, understanding that all that happened last time will happen again this time, just not in three days.
All of this makes me think about how patient God must be with me. I am sure at times He feels like I have fallen right back into a place I should have abandoned years ago. I’m sure it seems that I am learning the same lessons over and over again. As the children’s song taught me “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be.” If God is so patient with me, how can I be anything but patient with others? I’m not there yet, but maybe this whole process will get me closer than I have been before.
A Family of Faith 
July 25th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
You and Lisa are providing a greenhouse for these children. A place where they can have a safe, loving environment in which to grow and blossom. Isn’t this what Christ does for us? He places a hedge of protection around us as we face the struggles of life and yet He’s waiting with safe, loving arms as we come home to Him to tell Him what happened throughout the day. And He does this so lovingly and accepting as if He had no knowledge of the direction of our day- whether good or bad- helping us to grow to be all He has in store for us-realizing we will probably not get it the first time! Just as your kids have to learn.
As our precious Heavenly Father is there for us, how awesome that your kids have you and Lisa! As you were there for the others, you are now there for this precious one. That’s what ministry is: being there for the one(s) who need us. The good shepherd found the missing sheep. From the same era you mentioned there was another song, “I am a Promise. I am a Possibility.” May we as staff members strive to have the patience you described that our greenhouses would nurture and grow disciples strong in the Word and Bold in our witness. May we send the message that all are promises and possibilities in God’s eyes as we let Him nurture the greenhouse called the body of Christ. We all have favorite flowers and people. I am SO glad God sees us all as favorites and being ‘special.’
Heavenly Father, please don’t ever stop working on me to make me what I ought to be!