Lessons on Control

I like to think I’m in control, but God has been teaching me more than ever how little control I have. And I’m learning what a good thing that is. We think we can control most anything these days, from how many kids we have to what day they are born. I even thought that in fostering, I could control how many kids came in our home and what ages they were. But from the moment four kids sat on our coach instead of two, I have been learning lessons in loss of control.

I have much less control over what our house looks like than I did before, and I feel some loss of control over my schedule and how I spend my time. But I still feel mostly in control. We can control what the kids are exposed to while they are with us, and we can make sure that nothing bad happens to them while they are in our care. But looming over the whole foster process is that day when they return home, and we lose all say in their lives. Period.

I’ve always known that day was going to come, but as we prepare for the eventuality, that day seems to represent a loss of control unlike any other. Will they still be taught about God and His love for them? Will they be safe and secure? Will they have a church family to love and encourage them? Will they follow the Lord? I don’t know because I will no longer be in control.

But the more I reflect on these questions, the more I realize that any façade of control I maintain is an illusion. I might like to think that I can protect them from anything bad happening, but I can’t. I might like to think that I can prevent them from being led down the wrong path, but I can’t. In fact, I have no more control today than I will the day after they leave our home. God is just as much in control now as He will be then. Facing the day when they return home makes me feel the need for God to be in control, but I should be just as dependent on Him now as I will be then.

We like to think that we are in charge, but our illusions of control are nothing more than an exercise in vanity. We exalt ourselves by feeling important because of the power we wield. We are large and in charge. But I am slowly learning that things are much better when God is in control. I tend to mess things up, but He never does. So I am learning that there should be no day in the future when I lose control, but everyday should be an exercise in loss of control and submission to an all-powerful God.

Reflections on bin Laden

The death of bin Laden has caused a range of reactions, and I thought I would reflect on some of my feelings in the last day or so. First, I have been convicted that bin Laden and I were both destined for the same fate. If not for Christ, he and I would both stand condemned as enemies of God. The world might say that I am a better person or that I am more deserving of God’s grace, but the truth is the only difference, and the only thing that separates our eternal destinies, is Jesus Christ and my faith in Him. That thought is humbling, but at the same time, I rejoice in God’s graciousness toward a sinner like me.

Second, many of us have struggled with the proper reaction to this kind of event. Some have suggested that if I had a loved one killed in 9/11, I would want to celebrate Bin Laden’s death. In fact, I have always wondered how I would respond if someone close to me was killed. Would I feel vindicated if the murderer were executed? Would I be glad to see their life taken as payment for the death of a loved one? Obviously I cannot tell you how I would respond, but I can tell you how I hope I would respond.

I hope that I would visit that person in jail and share with them the glorious good news of the forgiveness that they could still find in Christ. I hope that I would invite that person to become my brother or sister by placing their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord. If that person became a believer, I hope that I would rejoice alongside the angels in heaven that another lost sheep was found (Luke 15:10). And if that person died apart from a relationship with Christ, I hope that I would grieve the loss of one created in the image of God. I hope that these theories of how I might respond are never put to the test, but I pray that I would respond out of the Spirit that lives within me and not out of my own fleshly, human desires.

More than anything else, the last few days have challenged me to think about how I respond to difficult situations in life. In Ezekiel God asked, “Do I actually delight in the death of the wicked, declares the sovereign LORD? Do I not prefer that he turn from his wicked conduct and live?” (18:23). I pray that I would respond biblically, that I would realize the utter darkness of my own sinfulness, that I would understand that we all stand hopelessly condemned apart from Christ, that I would desire that all come to know Christ as Lord, that I would never desire that anyone perish apart from Him, and that I would take as much joy in seeing others come to justice as a I would in God giving me what I justly deserve.